all roads lead to..

Another awesome weekend breeds a new awesome week.
I learned a lot this weekend. I learned more about my stuff. I was challenged and more than survived.
We had a good weekend of naturapathy & physical teachings which I loved. My cousin has been a holistic N.D. for over 10 years now and my great grandmother, Gi Gi was a christian scientist way before like curing like or hydrotherapy was even remotely accepted. I think this way of life is in my blood. Lisa, my cousin has been mailing me herbs & suggesting remedies for years now- so I am lucky and open to it. A pretty neat commonality or message from the universe is our links to Ecuador. Before lisa met her husband (they are now expecting their first child in august, due date, Gi gi's birthday :) she spent time in Ecuador (she recalls as one of the most favorite times of her life) studying herbs with some famous cancer research lady from vermont. I remember sitting by my mom's pool listening to Lisa tell me how she wanted to sell all of her belongings and move to a cement house by the beach in Ecuador. She also went on to tell me all about her shamanism experiences as I hung on every word..I thought that was pretty cool because I'd always looked up to Lisa since we were kids. Our mothers (sisters) on the other hand, were appauled & horrified by this desire of hers. She ended up meeting her husband and decided to open her practice in Portland so Ecuador has been postponed. Years later I met G, who ironically is from, you guessed it: Ecuador! He and I always talk about using some of his land for a type of resort or language center. But, now I am opening my self to the possibility of a retreat or meditation facet to this project.
I've been researching places for retreats that I could attend when finished with the training and came across this amazing place near Guayquill Ecuador sacred-journey.com - this couple is like a reverse G & I. Ecuadorian female matched with an American male. She is a shaman. Amazing. Anyways, I feel a very strong link to Ecuador in my life- in a larger scheme- bigger than the commonalities between G and Lisa- and I am excited to research it further. Did I mention my 1st roomate in college was from...well, you probably can guess: Ecuador. At that time- I was pretty sheltered and eurocentric in my travel and study and didn't even know where Ecuador was! a horrible testament to public education! haha.

Ok, tangent...Anyways there was some resistance this weekend to our knowledgeable teacher Mary. There was one point where she was clearing her throat over and over, and had to drink water when I thought- holy crap! this is the throat chakra thing taylor was talking about! The resistance of the collective group is actually affecting Mary!
I wanted to give her a hug. and tell her how much I appreciate her participation. I think the resistance to this is normal- I mean we have medical students, atheists, cynics, sports medicine people in the group- it's hard to lose your school of thought. But I feel sorry for the non accepting students- because it is such a wonderful world to venture into.

It makes me even think about the U of Bridgeport's ND program. a thought I've always entertained lightly. I'll meditate on it and see what transpires.

ANy hoot. We capped the weekend off with Jacqui. I really love that one too. It was hard for me though because I was assigned to lead the flow at the very end of the day- to the entire group. It kind of shocked me out of my comfort zone of my group of peers and now friends..but I was thankful for it because now I'm not afraid of that happening anymore- I did it.
It was hard though and the energy was ROUGH!! I had them do lion pose with their tongues out and strong exhales to remove the heated fire of disdain from their eyes!!! haha. But it didn't work. I did my best and can't pick apart what I did. But Jacqui sure did!! hahahahaha! It was with love but it almost made me tear up at the very end. While we were kept there till 9:30 for feedback. It was the same resentful energy from when I led the flow :P
During my flow I was having a hard time with a certain section of the group. They were talking and giggling and it really made me feel unnerved. It was a great lesson- & Jacqui made a beautiful point of how we as teachers can't take anything personally.
We need a strong backbone and a thick skin. Point taken. As we did feedback I got good stuff- everyone liked the lions pose, I said some awkward lines. but that's fine- I did it to this large group that I was very intimidated by!! I am proud of myself. Towards the end of the flow I did something kind of weird. Really feeling the energy that the class had enough a dozen students or so led the flow already- I tried to transition them from gratitude pose towards the front of the room- to warrior II to triangle towards the back of the room. It was bold and pretty audacious. But, I just could feel that people were struggling- with half the room in childs pose & daggers in their eyes. Some feedback from my fellow teacher trainee's was really +. One even told me that he actually thought to himself while in gratitude- "If I were teaching I would shift us to left side triangle- to eliminate the vinyasa & be done" so I'm pleased as punch about that. I know that I was receptive to the energy of the room. I also know that I would never try to lead a group of beginners to do something like that- and my instruction was more than jolty and awkward. Jacqui really wanted to get the lesson across that I should have never done that. And I get it. I didn't intentionally do it- I was just in the moment and that's what I did. I don't regret it. But during feedback I felt like- the reprimands I was receiving like my instruction could have been shaved down a bit. It was really repetitive and was really really harsh. I am sure that my reaction or sensitivity rather, is my own stuff- but I also do think that people have all different learning styles & for me- publicly being scolded for 5 minutes on why I shouldn't have ever dared to try to to that- after a really long day just kind of made me sad. It feels good to get this out so that I may + move forward. I adore the feedback and the teacher who gave it to me, but the lesson was tough love! Something I never really meshed with. And reason # 456 why I would never join the army..I wanted to say- "I just wanted to end the flow, the back room was giggling & talking- I am a really shy public speaker & this was a really hard for me, to lead the ENTIRE group LAST..I would never dream of trying such an awkward transition to a class of beginners..I thought I was "reading"the room" (which after several comments saying that's what they wanted to do- I was) but I couldn't speak, or find my voice or I would cry..I've never taken criticism well (who does really?) & My mom always says I'm too sensitive. It was interesting because last week a student claimed to be "bored with the flow" and made us do all of these icky transitions & she got in trouble too, during her scolding I don't think I was as compassionate as I should've been- especially after experiencing mine..at the end of the session random people came up to me & said I did a good job- but I couldn't really thank them as adamantly as I wished; since I was almost on the verge of tears.I guess it just proves that as a teacher: I need a thicker skin & a stronger backbone. Note to self :)

I went to my car cleared my energy and felt a whole lot better. And now, as I bow with gratitude in my mind I promise it is with no awkward transition to triangle.