spoon man

so, my bf is a natural meditator. I'm not jealous. because what good would that do. But I seek the same for myself on my own terms. each night we have started to take 15 minutes to clear our minds and breathe together. I think last night was the last night because he came out of it so energized he couldn't sleep and I couldn't focus with him beside me. haha.

well, it was fun while it lasted. He is just amazing at it though. his body will twitch slightly and his breath will go to weird frequencies. (mind you, I'm supposed to be breathing with a clear mind beside him- not observing with awe :'P) he is so connected. And this i always knew. he grew up in the jungle's of ecuador and always has brought new perspectives to my everyday.
this is a man after all who can cure a headache from too much sun - by pulling tiny strands of my hair on the top of my head until it "pops" and as he says in his cute way "gets the sunny out".

I think about my raw food friends and the orgy of fruit they would uncover in his home town. And then I laugh at how he dismisses my organic demands at the grocery store- because in his world nothing was-'not organic". it is a great partnership and everyday is something new. My friends from home and college always find it strange that a book worm, playwright loving, poetry writing, cinefile, dare i say not snob snob?? would find such comfort in a man who asked me just this morning what 'wi-fee" means (with the most earnest concern). I first brushed it off as slang for 'wifey' and then realized he was asking about the laundromat down the street that offers free 'wi-fi". everyday something new. It just works.

So, I asked this meditating natural of a bf of mine. "how are you so good at clearing your mind?" not with resentment, not with
anything other than awe. and he said that you have to have a strong focus. he said he closes his eyes and rides his breath while he follows the little dots in his eyelids. I don't blindly believe that what works for him will work for me. But I am curious as to his approach. He then told me he had a confession to make:

(here we go I thought)
"well, when i was younger i wanted to be a 'super----" (something, a word in spanish that sounds like adoribo). I wanted to be special. I wanted to find power within my brain. ( a child of 12 I am sure he wanted to stand out!) So, I would try to focus my mind on anything. i would try to move paper, bend spoons. I wanted to find that power, so maybe that's why i am able to clear my mind so easily. I spent all those years trying to focus."

so this is too adorable for me to register. i picture his adorable face and demeanor as a young boy- taking the time to focus his thoughts to bend spoons? you know, instead of chasing soccer balls or girls?? so, I ask him, 'how old were you when you did this?'

"oh, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17"

haha. 7 years!!! this was important to him for 7 years??? he later told me that he would sweat he would think so hard. And that one time he almost cried, because he knew he was so close to bending it.

we laughed. and then got ready for bed and I told him. You need to start using this focus for good. I think you can do some wonderful things for your life!

everyday something new.

releases sinus pressure

I started reading 'You can heal Your Life' and I must admit the east coast snark in my less than perfect thoughts of the cover and water colors and pictures and hoopplyadoo. But i really like what she has to say. and i am mesmerized that she (though her name indicates the truth) started Hay Publications which published 'Ask & it is given' wow. there is one readily available point of interest that I picked up right away. & that is this sinus infection of mine. Skimming through the book as i do with all books I am about to read (yes, i used to always read the last page- haha, but I broke myself of that habit). I saw an index of ailments and 'causes". I was reading the first chapter and she mentioned resentment as a cause for most dis-ease. and stresses that we must let go. There are small segments and characters of my life that i intend to release from any resentment or anger- no matter how superficial or deep I once believe their wrongdoing (or my own to be). I love her words "I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be, I forgive you and I set you free" Louise Hay is good. that is powerful. In Marianne Williamson's book return to love- she addressed the letting go of anger when she said to "release the anger to the holy spirit" or something to that effect. they are both really hitting home and I am eager to release.

And then wouldn't you know it? I look into the index of ailments and causes and i read that the cause for a sinus infection is: "irritation to someone close". or resentment. what?? are you kidding. I can't believe that is so spot on. Well, without regurgitating what i have already moved forward from. I was irritated at my bf. I was resenting him. I was punishing him in my mind for decisions he made..dun dun dun $$$financially $ that affected us. I laughed aloud and read it to him. And it made sense.

I mean, he also came home with a cold and was sick the week before. and though I fought it for weeks with my neti pot, vitamins, and other secret potions. It landed in my chronic ailment as a sinus infection. i think i need to release some of this resentment. And I already like to think that I have.