fish out of water

oh man! our 'free' internet has kicked the bucket. close proximity living left us with a great high speed connection. But it's gone. Honestly? I think this is a blessing from the universe, as my recent bug and slow work season left me lethargic and snoopy with my habits on the internet.

I am finally feeling better!! and making progress in my internal learning experience. Ripping through the books. reading. re reading. I finally made a class yesterday and it was great. i was able to breathe but did have to leave class during pigeon to get it together.

Last night I went to a launch party for a friends website. It was my first foray out in quite a while. I headed out with $5 to tip the bartender for a water (since I didn't feel like drinking) and prepared to blend in with the revelry. I didn't realize that I have kind of landed out of the loop. I don't drink wed-sat like most of the people my age do. I live with my bf I read a lot at night. I don't like my eating habits when I'm hungover and I've been staying away from the social scene of my past just trusting my gut. And it feels good. I miss the silliness and the connection with friends. But sometimes I feel that it is false and only for the night.
They are what my boyfriend calls "good time friends".
when I arrived at the event i could feel the excitement and all that. And like most 'business' models- my brain has a hard time comprehending the 'necessity' but it was all with good intention- so it wasn't a total bust. I just felt the air of the night to be really negative. I didn't want to judge anyone or anything. I was just taking it in. Everyone drinking drinking drinking. Complaining about jobs, money, even one complaining about "having her period'. I took a breath and tried not to judge anyone for this negativity. and didn't want to beget negativity. I just wanted to be excited. Excited for our friends internet creation- excited for the bands playing music. Excited to see 2 of my favorite pals from cambridge (which they are exempt from all of these generalizations). but the conversations revolved around how many jobs home depot cut today. or when someone's severance would expire. i think i am taking my reading to heart because even though we are going through our own muddy stuff- i am not going to focus on that or acknowledge it as my mindset. I guess i am making some changes and training hasn't even begun to start....
this is really great. i love this. as strange as it is- to not fit in. I think i am learning a lot from this. +