Hmmmm, pause. Hmmmm.
The Universe is trying to teach me something and I think I kind of know what it is...I need to be more tolerant.
ready set go:
An Ode to my part time job. While I work 3 shifts a week at a local bar/music venue/ pub as a server, floor manager and sometimes bartender; I have endured many tests of will and composure. I've always worked in restaurants. I retired from bartending officially, 5 years ago when G & I moved in together. It just didn't make sense to me to work until 3 am on my feet, catering to drunk people, with someone I love waiting for me at home. But, that's just me. I pick up shifts here & there. But I don't need to come home to the birds chirping for $300 a shift. It's also quite hard to be productive the next day when leading a double life. I'm not knocking it! it has provided me with friends, lessons, $$, funny situations etc...but it's just not really for me anymore (though there are times 'in the moment- where dare I say- I enjoy it!! but I would enjoy anything :)
So, Wed-Fri evenings (temporarily thurs too) I work at the restaurant. It's monetarily worth it- but it is taxing on your psyche! & toes. People can be mean. Customers, managers, co workers, etc...Sometimes I think I need to write a packet called server zen to help people who go through this meat grinder. I was a legend at an old job from when I first moved to Cambridge. Story goes: a gentleman found it a royal treat to tell me 'suffice' was a "big word for a waitress". Tired from being on my feet all day and short fused from dealing with meanie's all day- I was faced with the choice: comment or cry. I chose to respond- Fighting the lump in my throat I asked him "with suffice at 7 letters, how did he feel about condescending, was that also a big word, for a waitress like me?" His entire table applauded me. It didn't feel that great to retaliate but it was a better option than crying in the bathroom! haha! them's was the days.
It's rough though. And throughout training I've wished that I didn't have to be in this spot. I know that I don't. But it is something that I know in my heart is not that hard to endure. And a good way to store up some $, while G is home in ct. In the beginning It was pretty rough to come down from yoga and show up on the floor, ready to serve! Funny things would happen- i think the universe's way to tell me to run for the door!!! Little things like my apron straps would just break and my apron would be impossible to tie with shredded straps.
The owner (who is an entry in herself) would say strange comments- spew lies & embellishments that at times were seemingly impossible to ignore. Everyone is kind of angry in a restaurant. They are musicians, artists, dancer's, PHd students, few people work here as there sole gig. So there is a lot of- holier than though behavior...egocentric stuff.
But it's all temporary. It this too shall pass! especially when you apply it to each shift. it really does :)
In a way I adore this side of my life experience. I will never be mean to a customer service employee, I ask the how they are, I am more than considerate & I always tell them right away, don't worry about me or my table- we are not here to trip you up, or run you around. It lightens their evening.
But, this week I've had a new lesson in the restaurant bizz. Since my successful tuning out of the crazy owner- who reminds my of Ursula on the LIttle Mermaid. i've channeled a new lesson. There is a co worker who I can't seem to connect with.
She is sweet but there is a desperation that for some reason i can't get past. I keep trying. I go into the bathroom and breathe. I picture her as child just wanting love and acceptance (well that was easy because the universe presented me with her mother, when they came into dinner the other night!). I don't know what it is, But it's happened before. I think it's a certain kind of desperation. But, I am working on my acceptance levels. It is my job on Thurs. to manage the floor, seat people, trouble shoot, grab drinks, run the show. This is my 2nd week with this particular employee & we do not work well together. She see's me more as her maid, and angrily tells customers to "order through her" and tells me "i'm ruining her flow" i told her this isn't about flow and that it is my job to up sell the tables and essentially increase the checks...I'm not here as her busser, though I am more than happy to clear and bus her tables- i feel that she is threatened by me. I am very efficient and for the most part light hearted at work- I am smiley (and usually chanting affirmations in my head hahaha! but it works)
I finally had to step away and stop helping because the energy was so bad. But, it was bothersome & worst of all- it wasn't even real, and even more worst of all: why do I allow this to bother me?
Eventually she came around and the work situation became more tolerable. But sometimes I feel like the universe is telling my to run from my life from this industry, as it has provided me with much cash but not without sadness or suffering on some minor levels. If I had a dollar for everytime I cried in a bathroom at a restaurant job- I would have financed this entire teacher training- haha, ok, well maybe one $$ installment.
I don't know. I think I need to breathe and check in with my authentic self here. What does this say about me? I am letting her get to me, what about me- do I need to deal with?
You can imagine my surprise when I saw her at prana taking an hour of power on thursday...ok!!! I get it! I need on work on this. It was even harder to hear her explain why she couldn't do certain poses or how she was sore, or how she didn't come to the class for any self reflection, that she just wanted a work out! Ok, I know somehow this interaction will make me a better teacher and person. And I am willing to open my self to it. I'm done putting up the fight. So present it to me, And I am willing to calibrate.
